17th feb

February 17th

I woke up and felt the five o' clock shadow on my face and realized that I needed to shave. I took my time, as one does after three days off. Finishing that task I walked into the kitchen and started coffee, my dad was up,tying his shoes. He looked at me and asked about a co-worker who had recently suffered a head injury. I told him what I knew. From here our conversation drifted around like some transient cloud of smoke from a train. The final conclusion being that everything is only a big deal if it is made into one.

      In the beginning of 2008, Dad fell off a scaffold. Twelve feet to a recently poured concrete floor. My brother called me. At the time I was a clerk for Maverick C-store in Sheridan, Wyo. D, was very matter of fact. After he had told me the details I cashed out my drawer and went to the hospital where I found my Dad alive but not. Through all this everybody, my mom included, behaved as if it was just another day and that nothing was out of the ordinary. No one changed or adjusted their behavior to accommodate the invalid instead by being ourselves the invalid was encouraged to behave as we did. My son, Spud, was five at the time. He would sit with his grandpa or go somewhere with his grandpa and would then tell his grandpa what was going on and what things like hamburgers were. No one told him not to talk to Grandpa or ask Grandpa questions, thought never even occurred to me until now. No, instead he was allowed to be a five year old curious about why his Grandpa was dead but then alive. No one said "Spud sit still for Grandpa."  NO, he was allowed to behave as a five year old, even the kids of a friend of mine were allowed to be themselves. What does my experience with traumatic head injury really say? I will quote my father on this one, he's the "survivor" after all.  "I had two choices I could sit under the bridge with my bottle whining about how I have a baby-head or I can shrug and say f-it, so what."

   The aforementioned co-worker woke today, I was told that he knew who he was etc. In the cafe where we both work you could feel the tension leave like a popped balloon. I know that not all will be the same,whatever the circumstances of his accident it has impacted his life and the lives of those around him.